Day 1: Shots!

Apple Cider Vinegar sucks!

Today’s low points:

  • This afternoon I had what is called a Diabetic ‘high’ or ‘hyper’ – I didn’t realise I was having it, I just felt incredibly agitated & couldn’t think straight, I’ve been feeling like this a lot lately. I took my bloods & they were quite high, so now I know that every time I get like this, it’s likely a ‘high’. Β It took me awhile to get to the point of checking my bloods, & I spiralled a bit into an anxiety attack – the lesson in this is always check the blood sugars first to see if there is an explanation.
  • A family friend asked why my face was so puffy & if I was okay. I didn’t realise it had puffed up, but the reason is that I’ve spent the last week binging & purging again. I’m not proud of that fact, but I’ve been dealing with 3 weeks of back to back grief, and I resorted back to an old habit to get me through – not anymore though, at least not for awhile.

Today’s Learnings:

  • ShotingΒ Apple Cider Vinegar is NOT OKAY! My brother had told me to take a shot of it every morning to help keep blood sugars down, he had failed to mention to dilute it in water. 6.30am, there I am ready to take on the day, I pour the vinegar into the shot glass, and I slam it back. OH HELL NO. My throat instantly burned, tears streaming down my face, nose running, I started jumping on the spot just to do something to make the pain go away. It was vile. By the time I got to work it was still burning & repeating on me. Never again, Apple Cider Vinegar, never again.

What made me happy:

  • My purple dome umbrella that I ordered online finally arrived. I was so excited, I’ve been waiting for this for what seems like forever (1 week).

*I didn’t overly have the best day, so I’m taking this one happy moment and holding onto it.

My thoughts:

  • I read a great quote todayΒ “Sometimes you just need to relax and remind yourself that you’re doing all that you can and everything is going to turn out fine”,Β this really spoke to me today. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed in my job, I love what I’m doing, and I’m good at it, but everyone else knows that now, so I get a lot of questions, I’ve become the ‘go-to’ girl, and there is a lot of pressure that comes with that. So today, I had to take a deep breath, and remind myself that I am doing the best that I can right now, and my best is enough.
  • I see a lot of posts about “I want to not have a career & travel the world & be a decent human being” or “Things are meaningless, you are at one with the world and can give back to the world when you give up a routine life” – I say bullshit. Why can’t you want a nice comfortable house, stability, a career AND give back to society, adventure, be at one with nature AT THE SAME TIME?! – So many people get caught up in the idea that it’s one or the other – why not both?! Why can’t I have both?! I demand both.

Jessica Ellen

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