Day 2: Early Mornings.

I left home and the sun wasn’t awake yet, I came back home and the sun had already gone to sleep.

There once was a time when I slept all day, where I didn’t want to work or do much of anything. Those days are long gone.

This morning I had an early start as there was an event on at my work I had to get to. My morning routine is usually a quick cuddle with my cat, however, this morning that had to be skipped due to snoozing on my alarm..this was Missy’ super impressed face:

What made me happy this morning:

  • The event at my work was presented by my old workplace. This meant that some of my old team attended, this gave me happy feels. It’s only been 2 months since I finished up there, and I genuinelyΒ liked the people I was working with, so to see some of them again, and to have them see me in an environment where I knew what I was doing, made it even better.

What made me anxious in my morning:

  • Networking. Networking sucks. I was meant to network at this event, and considering I already knew some of the people there, it should have been easy. However, I was already anxious due to seeing someone who was attending (which I shall not even begin to go into) that I resorted to hiding in my office & doing some work until everyone had to be seated for the presentation, and then I snuck into the back of the room. Fail. Or smart, depending on how you look at it.

Today’s learnings:

  • It doesn’t matter what someone’s age is, they still have the ability to lie, or keep secrets. Just because somebody is older, and has more life experience, doesn’t make them any less of a game player. I’ve learned that I hold the power over my own life, and what happens to me, and I need to be a lot more guarded with the people I let into my life. If they break my trust, don’t continue to torture myself & put myself in uncomfortable situations. Partially the reason I hid in my office this morning, I’ve been hurt & confused, why expose myself to more torture? Be polite, be humble, and don’t let them hold anything over you.

Today’s new experiences:

  • I went to my first hypnotherapy appointment today! I’ve started therapy to help get over my fear of prayingmantis’ – I have a crippling fear of them, where I feel trapped and unsafe if I see one, and I happen to see them more often than not. I have to check my surroundings 9/10 times just to make sure one isn’t near, and if I actually see one, it impacts me so much, that I have to contact somebody to come and rescue me. Kind of over it now. The first session today was about getting me used to hypnotherapy, and how it felt. I fought it, to begin with, as I don’t like feeling not in control (#1 reason why I don’t drink or do drugs), but then after awhile I gave in, and became incredibly relaxed, I felt safe and couldn’t even bring one thought to mind. This is exactly what I needed. I have another session next week, where we start to tackle the big stuff, I’m excited to see how this goes, and will report back next week!

Jessica Ellen

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