Day 4: First day of Winter.

A side effect of Cystic Fibrosis: You get so god damn hot. In the summer time, I feel like I want to rip my skin off just to get some relief – my excitement for today being the first day of Winter runs deeper than it being my favourite season, I feel like I can live comfortably for the first time in months.

I don’t know how many times I got asked today, “Aren’t you cold Jess?!” by my colleagues, so much so that another person piped up & commented on how much I’d been asked that.

This is why though:

Standard Winter outfit for me, skirts & t-shirts – sometimes even with jandals – I live for cold, and no, I don’t feel it.

Happiness came to me today:

  • I’ve been in my new job now for 5 weeks, and today was the first time I got to sit down & have a 1-2-1 with the CEO. It was a pretty good chat. He said I’m “a rare find and we’re very lucky to have you” and when I asked him if my tattoos would ever be a problem out meeting members, or going to marketing events representing the company (as I feel it’s always polite to ask) he said “to be honest, I haven’t even thought about your tattoos until you just brought it up, and the reason for that is because you conduct yourself in such a fantastic way, and speak so effectively, that they don’t come into it. They also make you who you are, and contribute to your success as a person.” to have someone who has only known me for 5 weeks, say something like that, is pretty amazing. I really feel like my previous workplace has set me up for this too, it was a fantastic place to work, with a team that had so much belief in me as a person, it helped me to become more extroverted in a working environment, and not be afraid of my voice.

Listening to my body:

  • This.
    My nervous system has had it, it’s not just on the brink, it’s collapsed into itself. Bang, bang, bang – a series of events in the last 3 weeks has led me to be exhausted, and not just tired, but soul-crushingly exhausted.  You might think, well I got awesome feedback on my work performance, how can I be exhausted like this? I can still get the job done, and continue to live, whilst inside I am dragging around a weight the size of Africa. This morning though, I got to breathe. Moving in with my parents means I don’t have to worry about money for a while, I don’t have to worry about taking care of myself for a while, and I can have a hard reset. June brings change, and reflection, and letting my past go. One of the biggest things I’ve had to do in the last week was deleted 2 people from my facebook – this sounds really stupid to be a big deal, but I never delete people, no matter what they do to me, I always think I’d rather they be in my life than not at all. These 2 people, on separate occasions, with completely different stories, have made a fool out of me. They’ve lied and lied, and I’ve accepted their lies (knowing them for what they are) and have always said “that’s okay, I understand” Why should I understand?! & by keeping them in my life, I was only allowing them more opportunity to make an even bigger fool out of me. I don’t want to live like that anymore, like an option, I’m not anybody’s option, I’m a choice, and I deserve to be chosen.

One thought on “Day 4: First day of Winter.

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