8 days in & I have to go quiet for awhile.
I’m feeling like a hypocrite, how can I blog about doing things that make you happy, and growing as a person, and not letting negative people take control anymore, when last night, I found myself right back to 2 years ago, and it was my choice to go there too.
I’m dealing with the aftermath of that decision now, and I honestly don’t know what made me send that text or drive to another city or get myself lost again in a smile. All day I’ve kept telling myself that this isn’t going to affect me, I’ve done so much changing in 2 years that it can’t affect me anymore. How can it not?! Because the game has started again, and I’m sitting here, riddled with anxiety, waiting for a text that will never come.
Last night, I let back in the person who dropped me from a very high height and shattered me into a million pieces. I’ve spent the last year rebuilding myself, and not being able to find certain pieces to put back. I am a better person now for it, I am more assertive, and I demand nothing but the best for my life. So why did I reach out last night? Why did I think that looking at them wouldn’t hurt? It hurts, and it’s self-inflicted, so no sympathies.